By: Muhammad Imran
Unmarried male and female students often mention that when they look at the life of one of their friends or relatives who are married they become so negative about marriage that they think marriage may be a bundle of a lot of problems so stay away from it. Here are some suggestions on how to look or get an appointment for unmarried students.
It is not only difficult but impossible for an unmarried person to understand the problems of a married person. Therefore, no matter how unmarried Aristotle may be, he should not counsel a married person in any way unless he does something general, such as reciting a verse from the Quran or reciting a hadith.
The principle is that the knowledge of the news and the knowledge gained from observation and experience are not equal. There is a difference between the two. Some things are not transmitted by news but by personal experience which we call conditions. So the conditions of the married cannot be transferred to the unmarried.
There are a number of factors that can play a role in resolving marital problems, one of which is the study of male and female personality. Because they are different, they do not realize that both men and women have different temperaments and ways of thinking. They take the same thing differently, one thing is important to one. It is useless to the other. So, it is necessary for a man to know the psychology of a woman, that is, to look at different aspects of her personality, and it is necessary for a woman to be aware of the world of men, that is, to be aware of their psychology. As long as the two are not aware of each other’s personality, the problems will remain in place. Men have their own world and women have their own world.
The two begin to see each other’s worlds after marriage but it takes them ten years to learn and this learning does not happen quickly because the relationship between the two is competitive.
Learning is possible in a society where husbands can learn from their married friends and wives from their married friends, provided they are intelligent and experienced.
So, if society is to be improved, that is, to get out of individualism and good families who are in your relatives or in neighbours or in your friends. Keep visiting them, then there will be an opportunity to learn from the attitudes of other peers. And learning will happen soon.
The problems of the spouses will never end. Have not the attitudes of the spouses been discussed in the Quran? So Allah Almighty has made husbands and wives a test for each other. So don’t think that if this problem is solved then there will be peace in the house. The peace will be temporary. After a while there will be fighting again. When there is a reason for a fight, it will happen and it will happen for no reason that it is the nature of man that he feels tired and bored with uniformity. He gets fed up with the same environment, so sometimes even the spouses understand this. I don’t know if there is no reason for fighting, then why they are fighting?
The reason for this is the natural weakness of the human temperament. If the relationship is getting stronger after the fight between the spouses, then what is required is that as repentance after sin brings you closer to Allah, then what about sin? Regret and repentance! So, if there is no fight between the husband and wife then maybe they will think of suicide.
Therefore, it is necessary to have a fight, but just as there is no fighting or no problems at all, it is an extreme and idealism. It is also not true that this attitude makes life miserable.
If fifty people you know are married and ten of them have mentioned that marital life has been disturbed by you, then it means that 80% of them are still those who take care of their own affairs. They are also taking care of the problems but they are solved at home and the best marital life is its name. Without other problems, this is possible only in heaven, not in the world.
The rest are partial matters whether the husband is abusive or the wife and these partial things should also be determined that in some issues the husband may or may not be abusive and in some issues the wife may be abusive. Now there are social disadvantages of separation, this is also true but separation is not an insult in Sharia. However, it has definitely been disliked and the reason for this is to keep in mind that problems are everywhere and will happen. So think of this last option, that is, separation. When you see that death has become more beloved than living, then of course, separate now. But the condition that death becomes more beloved than living, is not temporary but becomes permanent that this condition is also imposed on a person temporarily, but also on the unmarried due to being tired of their circumstances. At the end, I would like to assert that Marriage Life is the main ingredient of life. Only your understanding, wisdom and percipience can determine how to handle your matrimony life.